Jayekin’s “Say what you want” bloggy

Life’s a bloody bitch and you dun even need to die for it.. BLOODY HELL!!!!

I just wish there’s a place for me to hide,

A place to just chill away,

To get away from all the confusion..

What am I? Who am I?

A puppet or a person?

What’s my purpose in living?

What life do I have?

Do I even own it?

This body that I have? Who does it belong to if not me?

Am I a bloody puppet to be told what to do?

I’m not a dog, I’m not an animal…

I’m a human being with feelings..

A need to fly, to be independent…

Was it too much to ask? Was my request so selfish?

Am I inhumane to ask for something so small?

Was I unfeeling when I made that request?

I didn’t think about other people’s feelings.. Just my own.. I’m that selfish, huh?

Am I not allowed to be who I am?

Should I forever be cooped up in this shell that I built years ago?

Isn’t it time to let go, even just a little?

Just a little request, and it went this far…

God, I wished…. I have so many and couldn’t even fulfill them…

Everything is about how others feel.. what abt me?

Has anyone asked what I want, what I feel?

Since I defied, didn’t tell because I was scared, I’m branded as unfilial?

What about what I had sacrficed just to make you happy?

You talked about how YOU made sacrifices, how you toughed it out when you were younger…

Can’t you see that times have changed?

You said you didn;t wanna be like her, but aren’t you dong the same thing that she did?

First you said that I’m a girl, that there are some things that shouldn’t be done because I am one.. den you said you dun look at gender.. so which one is it, really?

You feel so strongly about how others look at you and your family..

Do you think I care?

I am ME… I made myself as such… I dun need to care how other people look at me… It doesn’t matter what they think cos they are still going to form their own opinions.. So damn them!!

God.. I’m so tired… So tired fighting for myself…

Should I be a bloody puppet and listen to you just to make you happy?

YOu said you have trust in me.. Have you ever really did?

Cos honestly, I never did think so… Not when it came to decisions abt my own life…

You didn’t think I noticed that you disapproved of some of my frens before? Didn’t you think I wouldn’t realise? Everytime I wanna go out with them, you made faces? You disapproved?

I just kept quiet… Didn’t wanna say much…

But haven’t these years told you something?

I’m not that easily influenced… I’m not that weak…

I live life the way I think I should live it… Is it so wrong?

Am I even not allowed to take charge of my own path, my own life?

I just want to get away from all this..

I wish I could just disappear… Wouldn’t that be good?

Since I’m such an unfilial person, shouldn’t I just disappear from this life?

Den I wouldn’t be such a bother to you, rite?

Cos really, rite now, as you have said, I am such a bother to you…

Since I dun wanna listen to you and insist to have my own way…

Why dun I just disappear? That’ll just make your life much easier to live…

Then you wouldn’t fall sick because of me and make me feel so guilty because of it…

Cos all I had ever done was to make you sick….

I’m just soo very tired… Of life and living and fighting for what I think should be mine…